Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
