I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
