I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
