turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
