THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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