I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
