Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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