im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
