yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
