I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
