Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
