I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize