my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
