Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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