I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
