Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
