Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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