what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
