no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
