Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
