Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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