I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
