Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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