and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize