honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
