we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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