I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
