Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
