So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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