I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
