I got chris browned last night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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