You can't special order awesome
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
