Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
