i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
