I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
