How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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