Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
