At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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