I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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