i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize