Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
