girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
