dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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