There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize