Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
