blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You dont lie about slip and slides
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
