it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
