took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
