youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ttyl tear gas
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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