He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
