So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
