Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dicks are not precious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
