If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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