The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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