guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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