last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
