erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
