you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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