I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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