I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
