There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
