I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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