Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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