So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
