Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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