I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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