You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
