I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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