Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
