remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
