That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
