i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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