just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
