So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
