If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
