Acid is not a monday night drug
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
