We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
