So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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