Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
