I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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