Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize