Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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