I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
