sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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