clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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