It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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