That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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