can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
