Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize