god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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