We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
