I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
