What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
