after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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