just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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