I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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