Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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