you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
