he wants to bone in the snuggie
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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