maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's rum buckets o'clock
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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