No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
