i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize