if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
